This is part two of Parents That Frustrate Youth Pastors. I am writing this post reflecting on the fact that I am now the father of two teenagers. I am not just any father, but a former youth pastor. The reason I am writing is because I was recently in a circumstance where I caught myself being “that parent”. You are probably asking what I mean about “that parent”. Let me explain. When I was a youth pastor, most of the parents of the young people I pastored were wonderful, but there were a few parents who were well intentioned but a bit challenging. At the time I told myself I would never be “that parent”, but now that I am the parent of teens I have realized that the pull to be “that parent” is strong. So I post this not as judgment (because I am finding myself there) but just a reminder to myself not to be “that parent.” This is part 2. Please read part 1 here.
The Paula Deen Parent
Nothing wrong with this parent. This parent is the parent that is not only a great cook but blesses us with cookies, cakes, pies, meals. I could be grossly out of shape and you still tell me that I’m looking gaunt and offer me dinner. Thank you Paula Deen Parent.
The Shawshank Redemption Parent.
In the movie Shawshank Redemption the main character is in jail for murder. His fellow inmates ask what he is in here for and the main character replies he is innocent and that he did not do it. The other inmate replies. “ You’re gonna fit right in. Everyone in here is innocent, you know that?” You are the parent that no matter what your child has done, he or she is innocent.
The Sam Malone Parent.
No you are not the parent that serves alcohol to minors. If you have ever been in the restaurant business you know that anybody can make a drink. Anybody can pour a drink. But a bartender is someone who knows how to water down a drink. Strong enough to get someone inebriated but watered down enough to stretch the bottle. Well, there are parents that like to water down everything the youth pastor says.
The Career Counselor Parent
This one is specifically for Asian parents. This parent is solely focused on the post -masters from an Ivy League school career. Which boils down to two things: Doctor or Lawyer. Technology is becoming a strong contender, but with a Career Counselor Asian Parent, you say you want to go into technology. They say, okay, great, why don’t you become a doctor and help people who have carpal tunnel from too much programming?
The Sports Agent Parent.
You are the parent that goes to every game but can’t pray with your child or discuss anything spiritual. You bought and memorized all the rookie cards for your child, but have not memorized any scriptures.
The Doctor Dobson Parent
You are the parent that is enamored with Doctor Dobson. He is God’s gift to humanity and to child rearing. In regards to your children, every sentence starts with, “Doctor Dobson says”… I don’t mean to take anything away from Doctor Dobson, and he is a great guy, but Doctor Dobson is not your child’s youth Pastor. I am. I am the one who buys the $10 cokes, I am the one who drives your child, I am the one who prays for your child. How about giving me some that love you give to Doctor Dobson?
The Ghost of Revival Past Parent.
You are the parent that longingly talks about the past camps, conferences, and lock-ins when God moved when you were in youth group. No matter how great it is today, yesterday when you were the teen in youth group it was even better. One thing that I have noticed is that the further you get removed from an event the more we tend to glorify it.
The Doctor House Parent.
This is the parent that enables the chronic hypochondriac child. I am not talking about parents with children who have legitimate illnesses. This parent takes their child to the doctors more than church, and when their child has a cold, it’s not just any cold, it has to be some deadly virus pandemic.
Please comment and add your own experiences .
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Well said,
Thanks Joe.
I am the father of 6, current Family Ministry Pastor, and former youth pastor. The thing I find funny is all the whinning and complaining about parents from youth guys. According to scripture the Parents are to be the Primary Spiritual influencers in a child’s life and too often the “frustrated” youth guy has forgotten his role. The role of the Youth Pastor is to suck it up, partner with parents and encourage them in this tough thing called parenting. Nobody said it would be easy!
Keith, I won’t speak for Chico but for me I find these people hilarious/frustrating because these parents do SQUAT to actually enhance the spiritual life of the young person. The “Sports Agent” and the “doctor house” parents are incredible to me because YOUTH come to me and say “Sorry I had to miss last week. My parents made me sign up for b-ball” or “I told my mom my head hurt yesterday and she said I should miss youth service to recooperate. But I felt better by then.”
Our jobs are to partner w/ parents and help them raise their children in the way they should go. But most of the youth in my youth church don’t have parents who are trying to raise them that way. Its not easy and no one is crying…but it is funny!
Maybe if we had a “parent pastor” and the youth pastor would have a better time of things…
I for one am thankful for the youth pastors we have and hope that I was never one of the above or forementioned parents. Please feel free to tell me – should I have been – I can take it now that they are 20 and 21. I am currently trying not to be a helicopter parent…..