I am not a worship leader, but if I were, these are some of the pet peeves that I would have. If you are worship leader please add yours to the list.
Paraphernalia Worshippers. There are a group of worshippers that need extra stuff to make worship interesting for them.
- Tambourines. Nothing irritates a worship leader more than people in the congregation that bring their own instruments. It is an unspoken rule that instruments should be confined to the stage only. Tambourines are no exception to this rule. Actually, tambourines were the reason for this rule.
- Shofars. Some of you may not know this, especially if you are from a more conservative background, but in our movement shofars are popular. Often at special events in the middle of a silent moment, somebody will decide to blow the shofar. If you have ever heard a shofar you know that they are in a weird key and clash with the music. When you blow it during a song or quiet interlude it is the most distracting thing! Also, I have never met a great shofar player.
- Banners and flags. Maybe this is strictly in our movement, but I am not sure who decided that banner and flag waving was cool. If you want to twirl something how about skipping banners and going for twirling fire batons! Fire is cool in a service.
I have thought about putting a box by the door like TSA security does and all of your worship paraphernalia needs to be left in the box before you go into the church auditorium.
Clap Dysfunctional Worshippers.
- People who do on-beat clapping. There is that one lone person in the church service that has to try and be nonconformist and starts clapping on the on-beat. One clapper inspires another clapper and soon we have a clap collision – on and off.
- People who fancy do clapping. This clapper decides to add a double or triple clap in-between claps. You may have the gift and you want to share it, but when you fancy clap everyone else thinks they can fancy clap also. This is a clapping disaster waiting to happen.
- People who are non-clappers. It is people that refuse to clap on a song that needs clapping. That means that I have to start clapping and I am trying to sing a song plus hold a microphone in one hand. I am not getting one of those hands-free Britney Spears Drive Thru Window microphones. I can’t clap with my hands because I have to hold a microphone, so I have to start clapping against my forearm. The inside of the forearm. The most tender part of the forearm. Look, I understand worship is supposed to be a sacrifice, but do I have to sacrifice the flesh of my forearm for you so that you will clap? Go ahead; slap your forearm, the tender part of your forearm. See how that feels. Not great. So clap. C’mon, if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands. If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands!
TO BE CONTINUED NEXT WEEK.
People That Frustrate Worship Leaders
Humming Senior Pastors, Techno Loving Staff, Obscure Hymn Loving Guest Speakers.
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Hilarious! At one church I was leading worship at I used to hide the tambourines because of this one lady who thought every song needed a tambourine solo.
She had a fever…
Jamie,
LOL. I would take a cowbell over a tambourine any time!!!!
Haha, awesome list. Sadly, it is kind of true. The real people who frustrate are the never ending complainers though.
Thanks Tyler.
Ok. How about the “interpretive” dancer that sits next to you in the service. Everyone else is fairly normal except the lady next to me who decides she is going to try to dance next to me, flinging her hair and body around while everyone else is just trying to clap to the beat.
Next is the “hand mime” worshipper. It is one thing to be hearing impared and sign the song with your hands, but it is another thing to have to do hand miming to each and every song. Most of the actions are the same, regardless of the song content and tempo. Even Napoleon Dynamite was better with his “happy hands” routine than these people. haha. My wife and I always sit between the interpretive dancer and hand mime worshipper. Especially here in Portland, OR, where everyone is expressive in their own unique (weird) way.
“Hand mime” worshipper. Hahahahaha. I was going to include that but I did not want to be insensitive to the hearing impaired. But if you are “Hand mime” worshipper and you are not deaf. Beware I’m coming for you.
Good stuff Jeff.
People raising their hands high into the air but looking around to see what else is going on. C’mon people you’re not fooling anybody.
That moment of indecision where one person stands abruptly at the beggining of a chorus and the popcorn affect trickles throught the congregation. Pop! “There goes another one.”
You should do a post on things worship leaders do that annoy people.
Josh,
“That moment of indecision where one person stands abruptly…” That is genius. Love it.
Hilarious Post!
I don’t know if this is an usher issue or a people issue – but when a 1st time uncomfortable guest gets a seat on the FRONT ROW. Locking eyes with someone who would rather spontaneously combust then stand up and sing in front of hundreds of people is about as enjoyable as getting a tooth pulled.
Gregg,
You are right a tooth pulling with string and a door knob is more enjoyable.
Our church recently moved into a newer bulding, with a much bigger and more “spread out” sanctuary. The first Sunday in the new sanctuary a woman walked in who none of us had ever seen (after praise & worship had already started) carring a box. She proceeded up to the very front row, sat down & removed her shoes, assembled a couple of flags & started waving her flags & dancing in the very front of the church. Our church is very into worship & letting the spirit moves as he wills, but this was too much. Our Sr. Pastor instructed the ushers to ask her to stop…she sat back down, put her shoes back on, disassembled her flags & left. It was an “all about me” moment, which is not tolerated in our church – our focus has and always will be about God.
CDM,
Hilarious. You know they are serious when they have a foldable quick assembly flag kit. They are advanced paraphernalia worshippers.
Good stuff, Chico, but didn’t you forget to include the soloist in the congregation who feels the need to sing five decibels above those around him to showcase his talent?
Hannah,
I think your husband made this point on facebook. You guys think alike.
Great post! I’ll subscribe right now wth my feedreader software!
I don’t know what your all complaining about, the worship is on to the Lord not you so don’t critize someone elses act of love devotion or worship to God, just remember it was because of pride that satan fell from heaven he thought it was all about him who he was his position as a worship leader and his angels looking to him.